..............................................FUCK.......................................................

I really need a cigarette...you know as patient as I am and have been trying to be it's becoming increasingly hard....I'm living a separate fucking life.  I guess i'm now realizing this fact and though I've told myself that I need to live my own life it's reciprocated to me...so what's the point?  What is the point of investing so much of yourself into something when there are no benefits?  If I have to live a life separate from something I've invested my whole self into what's the point?  My head hurts from this.  My heart hurts from this....and I''m annoyed.  Positive and happy got thrown the fuck into the backseat right now.  I'm over it all.  I'm always over it all...I always say that and it's stupid and childish, but I really don't understand what the point is anymore...anytime this gets turned into an arguement it's a tit for tat game and I hate that...i do this; well you do this....it's bullshit.  What it comes down to is that everything I have invested into this is for nothing...it all makes me feel like shit, it puts 80% of the load on me and all I ever am is bitter about this all.  It may be time to put on the big girl pants and face reality...if I'm living my life separately maybe it's time to separate myself...what else do I do?  Continue to be continually bitter, unhappy and constantly irritated (because I have to play fake nice).  Continue to do all I do for fucking nothing....that's right nothing...because if you think about it logically I'm getting the shit end of the stick...................FUCK